Boing Boing has a great funny piece up about the news that they’re re-making Whatever Happened to Baby Jane?, and to cap it all off they run though all the amazing divas-of-a-certain-age mash-ups that would make for a strong Blanche/Jane duo. And I want each and every one of them to be made into a separate movie…. (but if I had to pick one, it’d be the Britocalypse that is Helen Mirren and Joanna Lumley)

Let’s breeze past the obvious contenders like Meryl Streep and Susan Sarandon as Blanche and Jane, respectively, and take a look at some less obvious possibilities.

Cloris Leachman (Blanche) and Betty White (Jane)

Come on, look at these batty dames! Might be a bit older than in the story, but I would kill to see these two go at it for two hours. It would, of course, end up as more of a parody of Baby Jane, but I can’t say I’d be against that.

Helen Mirren (Blanche) and Joanna Lumley (Jane)

Why not go British, especially when it’s these two? In fact, there might even be a real-life rivalry we can pull out of our asses if we try hard enough: Mirren has expressed an interest in playing the Doctor on Doctor Who — Lumley has sort of done that.

Jane Fonda (Blanche) and Faye Dunaway (Jane)

Seriously, what better way for Dunaway to spin off her own performance as Joan Crawford in Mommie Dearest than by playing the equally psychotic role played by her rival? And Fonda would be awesome, even though I think she’d probably kick Dunaway’s ass in real life.

Kim Basinger (Blanche) and Annette Bening (Jane)

While Basinger isn’t the most even-keeled actress in Hollywood, neither was Joan Crawford. And Annette Bening is a lot of fun when she’s crazy. (See: American Beauty. “I will sell this house today!”)

Angela Bassett (Blanche) and Viola Davis (Jane)

First, I think these two would be a hoot in Baby Jane. Second, allow me to point something out: Joan Crawford was 56 or 57 when she made that movie and Bette Davis was about 54. Viola Davis is 46 and Angela Bassett is 53. Yeah, just look at those withered old broads…

Sigourney Weaver (Blanche) and Linda Hamilton (Jane)

This sells itself.

Glenn Close (Blanche) and Sean Young (Jane)

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