Who remembers the original Ninja Gaiden, released in 1989 for the NES? It was astonishingly difficult; my best friend and I spent two whole summers trying to beat it. Lots of agonizing moments, burned into the brains of millions of young boys and girls: the crazy platform-jumping segments where you were attacked by FLYING NINJAS THROWING SHURIKENS THAT LOOKED LIKE CHEERIOS, the THREE final enemies, including that demon who you FOUGHT FIVE HUNDRED TIMES BEFORE YOU FIGURED OUT HOW TO TAKE AWAY A SINGLE BAR OF LIFE. And when it killed you, you went all the way back to the beginning of Act 6. And Act 6 was long. And hard.

For me, though, one thing stands out as the most infuriating thing in a game jam-packed with infuriating things. THOSE F*CKING HAWKS!! They SWOOPED out of nowhere, they knocked you back REALLY FAR, they took away THREE BARS of life, and they always seemed to FLY RIGHT AT YOU when you were JUMPING ACROSS SOME CRAZY CHASM. Madness. This YouTube video of someone playing the game (with on-screen pop-up commentary) gets at some of the most maddening hawk moments.

How the hell are you supposed to make this jump? With a damn hawk swooping out of nowhere as soon as you jump?

At some point, I realized: the hawk knows where I am. It always COMES STRAIGHT AT ME. I run, I hide, I jump - it comes back and finds me.  To me, this was a disturbing revelation. I had imagined video games to be simply a series of pre-programmed obstacles and enemies. Fully scripted. The idea that these enemies could act independently, could respond to things that I did, was creepy. Not just because it made the game a lot more difficult - but because these little blurry creatures had some primal, basic form of free will.

[This could spark a neat discussion of what free will is - obviously, they are programmed to do one thing, and they can't NOT DO IT, so one could argue that they have no free will. On the other hand, they have the ability to initiate actions on their own, responding directly to environmental stimuli instead of scripted code... and then on a THIRD hand, there's lots of debate about the extent to which we as human beings have free will - how much are we simply programmed to fulfill basic needs and respond to outside stimuli?]

Game artificial intelligence is an intriguing subject, with a fascinating history. I can’t pretend to understand or really appreciate the progress it has made - except as a gamer, as someone who notices a difference in the way that Ridley acts in Metroid (1987) vs. Metroid Prime (2002). Video game enemies (or “Non Player Characters,” or NPCs) have gotten a lot more complex and sophisticated, which to me is exciting… but still makes me the tiniest bit uneasy, like when I was ten years old and that F*CKING HAWK kept getting the best of me. What role will video games play, in the creation of artificial intelligence as it’s popularly understood, and as it was originally posited by Turing - machines or software that can mimic human intelligence (in terms of cognitive reasoning, processing environmental stimuli, interactions with other humans…) and then exceed it?

http://www.fox23news.com/mediacenter/local.aspx?videoid=92220

My mom and dad and sister and I were there, watching the parade from the sidewalk. I’d be surprised if the entire parade took more than 15 minutes to move past us. Interesting to compare it with the mega-huge billion-person NYC pride parade, which is next week, which we march in every year. In spite of the corporate-sponsored atmosphere of consumerism and celebration of asshole traitor elected officials - queer and otherwise - the NYC parade always feels like a revolution about to happen. All that faggotry! All those sexy men! All that messy gorgeous anarchic celebration of otherness! All that contempt for patriarchy! The Hudson parade, on the other hand, felt like the fetus of a revolution: something exciting and new and fragile. I grew up in this town, with its homophobia and hate and ignorance, so it’s definitely exciting to see this moment happen.

On our way to the train station we passed the counter-protesters: two very young boys and an older gentleman, holding up hand-made signs with the writing too tiny to see from the street, looking terrified.

Here’s another story, from CBS-6, where my sister used to be a producer:

http://www.cbs6albany.com/video/?videoId=97476665001&lineupId=1143371293

From The Environmental & Food Justice Blog.

“Science in service to capitalist imperatives always necessarily implies the acquiescence of scientists or technologists to a regime that basically “banks” on the ability to engage in outright fraudulent discounting of the social and environmental harms that production for profit inevitably entails.”

Strong plot, characters. Big challenge - to create a compelling universe without living beings - well-handled. Maybe too much time spent filling world with quirky details.

In October of 2007, I finished a short story called “Black Babe.” I sent it to a couple of places, and it got rejected.  I sent it to some more places.

Two and a half years went by. I racked up 65 rejections.

A new record - every other story I’ve ever written, it’s either gotten accepted or I’ve given up on it within a year or so. But I really love this story, and I kept on going. At times I wondered if maybe the story was cursed, or there was a conspiracy around it, or its subject matter scared people off. Ploughshares even told me “Several of us enjoyed the story and its daring premise” (stay tuned in the coming months for more details about that premise).

So I had a bit of a dizzy-headed/edge-of-tears/kvelling moment this Friday when I came out of the subway running late for a meeting and there’s a little green flashing light on my Android phone, and sure enough - there’s an email from the editor of Slice Magazine, accepting “Black Babe” for their next issue.

Slice is a new-ish journal, and they’re amazing. Six issues in and they’ve already had some of the best writers working - folks like Salman Rushdie, Andrew Sean Greer, Junot Diaz, C.K. Williams, Paul Auster, and Aleksandor Hemon.

“Black Babe” is one of the best things I’ve ever written, and for a long time I felt like it would never find a decent home. To have it end up with Slice just feels perfect.

“Why am I compelled to write?… Because the world I create in the writing compensates for what the real world does not give me. By writing I put order in the world, give it a handle so I can grasp it. I write because life does not appease my appetites and anger…” ~ Gloria Anzaldua

(via Social Justice Sexuality)

Improbably enough, the new issue of the Missouri Review contains two amazing stories worth blogging about. And they’re right next to each other! I hope to blog about Jonathan Starke’s “What Happens to Heroes” soon enough, but given the long lapses that tend to pop up between my blog postings… we’ll see…

Here is something that good stories do: make you very scared from very early on that something very bad is going to happen. But then the success or failure of the story is in the dénouement - how does that tension resolve? It needs to surprise you. Either the terrible thing comes to pass, and it’s a DIFFERENT terrible thing than any of the ones you were imagining… or nothing terrible happens, but the nothing happens in a fresh and exciting way.

I’m not going to say which approach Diane Simmons adopts in “Yukon River,” but the reader’s anxiety about all the ways this story can go horribly horribly wrong pays off. Voice is the real achievement here - which you know from the short first paragraph of the story: “It’s mostly drunk Indians where I’m working at the moment. Better than mostly white guys. Indians just drink. White guys, it’s got to be you look like somebody.”

There’s only about three and a half real characters here, revealed in tiny little pieces so that we fill in most of the blanks ourselves. The story feels like something you’ve never heard before, and that’s another thing that good stories do.

Incidentally - here’s some good design. The photo was what stopped me, with its evocative sense of the human world vanishing into the natural one…

I’ve posted about all three of these separately, but here are all the details in one place…. hope to see you at one or two or all of them!

Sideshow: The Queer Literary Carnival

Premiere Event April 13 @ Phoenix

447 East 13th Street (Avenue A)

Doors, 7pm. Reading, 8pm.
Free; $4 drink specials
http://sideshowreadingseries.wordpress.com

Book Release party for “The Lost Library: Gay Fiction Rediscovered,” which includes an essay of mine.
Housing Works Used Bookstore and Cafe, 126 Crosby Street (just below Houston).
April 16th, 7 PM sharp.

L Magazine’s *Literary Upstart* Competition
April 19th, 7pm
The Slipper Room—167 Orchard Street at Stanton—New York, New York
F/V train to 2nd Avenue

Contestants will “square off in front of a live audience and a panel
of judges, composed of members of the local literati: confirmed judges
for this year’s edition are the New Yorker‘s Ben Greenman (our
Distinguished Spokesjudge), Harper Collins Editorial Director Calvert
Morgan, and The L Magazine’s own Adam Bonislawski… Following the
readings, and our infamous New York City Literary Trivia competition
(”Where overpriced education meets underpriced alcohol”)… The winners
of the three semi-final readings will advance to our final reading in
July, where they’ll have the opportunity to win a cash prize, gift
certificates from various sponsors, and, of course, the admiration of
his/her peers.

My short story “Men Kill Things” has been selected as a semi-finalist in L Magazine’s 5th annual “Literary Upstart” competition, which bills itself as “a boozy short fiction Thunderdome.”

Considering that I will face big-time literati judges who “will hold forth, American Idol-style, on the readers and their stories, and declare a winner,” I want to pack the house with loud friendly voices! PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE COME….

April 19th, 7pm

The Slipper Room—167 Orchard Street at Stanton—New York, New York

Contestants will “square off in front of a live audience and a panel of judges, composed of members of the local literati: confirmed judges for this year’s edition are the New Yorker‘s Ben Greenman (our Distinguished Spokesjudge), Harper Collins Editorial Director Calvert Morgan, and The L Magazine’s own Adam Bonislawski… Following the readings, and our infamous New York City Literary Trivia competition (”Where overpriced education meets underpriced alcohol”)… The winners of the three semi-final readings will advance to our final reading in July, where they’ll have the opportunity to win a cash prize, gift certificates from various sponsors, and, of course, the admiration of his/her peers. The three semi-finalists will also be published in The L Magazine’s annual Summer Fiction Issue, out July 21 this year, which has previously featured stories by Jonathan Ames, Darin Strauss, Ned Vizzini, Ed Park, Benjamin Percy, Kevin Canty, Ron Carlson, Kaui Hart Hemmings and others.”

In two weeks, I’ll be reading at the release event for the amazing new anthology, “The Lost Library: Gay Fiction Rediscovered,” edited by Tom Cardamone, which includes my essay about Michael Grumley’s “Life Drawing.”

I’m so excited to hold this book in my hands and know that it’s out there in the world. When Tom told me about the concept for the book, I immediately thought “Life Drawing!” Few books are as precious to me as this one, with its gentleness and its matter-of-factness and its quality of unstrained rapture. It’s a tragedy that such a lovely book is out of print, considering how many forests are pulped every single day to make paper to print bullshit books. But, as I said in my article:

“a book is more durable than a man—just ask any scholar of Soviet history. In this age of eBay and Amazon, an out-of-print book does not vanish into the sea of oblivion so easily.”

It was my dear friend Steve Greco who had turned me on to Michael Grumley and Robert Ferro, and it’s an honor to be reviewing Michael’s book in the same anthology as Steve’s review of Robert’s!

Rabih Alameddine *  The Perv: Stories * Michael Graves
Allen Barnett * The Body and Its Dangers * Christopher Bram
Neil Bartlett * Ready to Catch Him Should He Fall * Philip Clark
George Baxt * A Queer Kind of Death * Larry Duplechan
Bruce Benderson *  User * Rob Stephenson
Christopher Coe *  Such Times * Jameson Currier
Daniel Curzon * Something You Do in the Dark * Jesse Monteagudo
Melvin Dixon * Vanishing Rooms * Ian Rafael Titus
John Donovan * I’ll Get There. It Better Be Worth the Trip * Martin Wilson
Robert Ferro * The Blue Star * Stephen Greco
John Gilgun *  Music I Never Dreamed Of * Wayne Courtois
Agustin Gomez-Arcos * The Carnivorous Lamb * Richard Reitsma
Michael Grumley * Life Drawing * Sam J. Miller
Lynn Hall * Sticks and Stones * Sean Meriwether
Richard Hall * Couplings * Jonathan Harper
J.S. Marcus * The Captain’s Fire * Aaron Hamburger
James McCourt * Time Remaining * Tim Young
Mark Merlis * American Studies * Rick Whitaker
Charles Nelson * The Boy Who Picked the Bullets Up * Jim Marks
Kyle Onstott & Lance Horner * Child of the Sun * Michael Bronski
Roger Peyrefitte * The Exile of Capri * Gregory Woods
Paul Reed * Longing * Bill Brent
Paul Rogers * Saul’s Book * Paul Russell
Patrick Roscoe * Birthmarks * Andy Quan
Douglas Sadownick * Sacred Lips of the Bronx * Tom Cardamone
Glenway Wescott * The Apple of the Eye * Jerry Rosco
George Whitmore * Nebraska * Victor Bumbalo
Donald Windham * Two People * Philip Gambone
Come Again: A History of the Reprinting of Gay Novels * Philip Clark

Dearly beloved fellow freaks,

In a couple of weeks I’ll be reading at the inaugural session of the new queer literary series: Sideshow: The Queer Literary Carnival. AND I’LL BE READING WITH KATE BORNSTEIN, who I ADORE / IDOLIZE….

Sideshow: The Queer Literary Carnival
Hosted by Cheryl B. & Sinclair Sexsmith

Premiere Event April 13 @ Sapphire Lounge
Doors, 7pm. Reading, 8pm.
Free
$4 drink specials
http://sideshowreadingseries.wordpress.com
@sideshowseries

This month’s theme is Secrets, starring:
Kate Bornstein (Hello, Cruel World)
Sam J. Miller (The Rumpus)
Seth Clark Silberman aka PhDJ (Fresh Men: New Voices in Gay Fiction)
Kathleen Warnock (Drunken! Careening! Writers!)

The Readers

Kate Bornstein is an author, playwright and performance artist whose work to date has been in service to sex positivity, gender anarchy, and the building a coalition of those who live on cultural margins. Her work recently earned her an award from the Stonewall Democrats of New York City, and two citations from New York City Council members. Her latest book, “Hello, Cruel World: 101 Alternatives To Suicide For Teens, Freaks, and Other Outlaws,” is an underground best-seller. Other published works include the books “Gender Outlaw: On Men, Women and the Rest of Us”; and My Gender Workbook. Her books are taught in over 150 colleges around the world.

Sam J. Miller is a writer and a community organizer. His work has appeared in places like The Minnesota Review, Washington Square, Fiction International, and The Rumpus. For more info check out samjmiller.com or facebook.com/samjmiller

Seth Clark Silberman aka PhDJ is a fantastical NYC DJ Writer Photographer. He was the first junior faculty to teach lesbian and gay studies at Yale University, where he coordinated the first academic conference on Michael Jackson. His academic work has been included in the journals GLQ: A Journal for Lesbian and Gay Studies and Social Semiotics. His fiction has been included in the Lambda Award-winning anthology Fresh Men: New Voices in Gay Fiction, edited by Edmund White and Don Weise, and in Quickies: Short Short Fiction on Gay Male Desire, edited by James C. Johnstone.

Kathleen Warnock is a playwright and editor. Her plays have been seen in New York, Ireland, London and regionally. She is Playwrights Company manager of Emerging Artists Theatre, and director of the Robert Chesley/Jane Chambers Playwrights Series for TOSOS Theatre. She is also editor of Best Lesbian Erotica. She is tired.

The Curators

Cheryl B. (cherylb.com) is an award-winning writer, poet and performer. Her work appears in dozens of print and online publications, including; Ping Pong, Word Warriors: 35 Women Leaders in the Spoken Word Revolution (Seal Press, 2007) and BLOOM, among many others. She has appeared at most major New York City literary evenings and toured throughout the U.S, Canada and the U.K.

Sinclair Sexsmith runs the award-winning personal online writing project Sugarbutch Chronicles: The Sex, Gender, and Relationship Adventures of a Kinky Queer Butch Top at sugarbutch.net. With work published in various anthologies, including the Best Lesbian Erotica series, Sometimes She Lets Me: Butch/Femme Erotica, and Visible: A Femmethology volume 2, Mr. Sexsmith enjoys whiskey, topping, the serial comma, political activism, and has been known to get on her knees in order to fix the strappy sandals of a queer femme. Sugarbutch Star chapbooks are available, if you ask nicely (and have ten bucks).

And if you miss it, my army of vengeful freak brethren will crawl through the mud to pluck you like a chicken and turn you into one of us….

Juancy and I are huge fans of Rock Band 2. I play the drums exclusively; pounding away at those things is just so much more satisfying than pressing the buttons on the fake guitar.

Always on the lookout for ways to turn my video game hours into something productive, I decided to put together a blog post on my favorite songs to play on the drums on Rock Band 2….

Go Your Own Way, by Fleetwood Mac.
Just a Girl, by No Doubt.
Town Called Malice, by the Jam.
Sunday Morning, by No Doubt.
Teenage Riot, by Sonic Youth.
Alex Chilton, by the Replacements.

That’s me in the picture, or rather the avatar of my alter-ego drug addict rock star recovering-ex-skinhead, Fo!

Dearly beloved,

Come check me out when I strut my stuff this Saturday night in the glorious Lower East Side. Brother, My Lover is a monthly queer reading series hosted by robert smith. This month features me, along with:

gabriel defazio
matthew johnson
jeffrey marx
robert siek
and music by THIN SKIN JONNY

Saturday, March 6, 2010
8:00pm - 10:00pm
envoy enterprises: 131 chrystie street
Between Broome and Delancey
B/D to Grand Street; J/M to Bowery

More details are here, for Facehuggers:
http://www.facebook.com/event.php?eid=348545367497&ref=ts

The new issue of Washington Square is out, and it contains my story “Burning Down Wal-Mart,” and the whole thing is just gorgeous. I’m in there with so many folks I adore, from CK Williams to Charles Simic to *gasp* Osip Mandelstam.

Go here for the full issue details: http://www.washingtonsquarereview.com/issues.html

On Saturday, February 6th, I read the story at the issue’s launch party. My parents came down from upstate, and a bunch of my friends came out, and the place was packed. And the fabulous editorial people at WSR really made such a wonderful big deal about my story. Fiction editor Sativa January gave me the most incredible intro - which made my sister cry - in which she said my work caused her to experience a “paradigm shift,” and likened it to that moment, on an airplane, just before take-off, where all machine noise and conversation come to an eerie stop. A quote from my story is included in big letters on the inside back cover.

Everyone showered such love on my story, and I walked out of there feeling really secure in my abilities as a writer. But here’s the thing. “Burning Down Wal-Mart” got rejected by 31 literary journals before it landed in the lap of these lovely people. And with every one of those rejections, I felt a slight expansion of that teeny-tiny puddle of hopelessness that every writer carries around inside of them. That fear that we’re no good, that our work will never matter to anyone, that no amount of publication or acclaim will ever make a dent in our own sense of failure. I don’t think I’m the only writer in whom that hopelessness contends with smug confidence, the conviction that our work will rise to Joycean heights of fame and respect and endure forever.

So the challenge is to hold tight to that kernel of euphoria - to remember that any of my stories could end up in the hands of wonderful people who will adore it, in spite of the rejection slips that stack up at such a staggering rate.

Didn’t dig the alternate universe thing at first - gimmicky enough in Star Trek - but now I see some exciting possibilities. Plane disembarking scene very moving.